It’s past 3 in the morning and I can’t sleep!
The rest of the house is blissfully unaware that I have crept into my office and opened my laptop in the hope that processing my thoughts might help me get some rest.
I was hurt today.
Forgiveness has taken place, grace has been applied to the situation, but the wound hasn’t healed yet and it may take a little while.
At the moment it happened, I wanted to retaliate, to say things I would regret and make the other person hurt as much as I was.
From the beginning of this journey, I made my choice to apply the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 wife not only to my marriage but to my everyday life. Today it was a challenge. Choosing to “do no harm” in the middle of a painful situation can take every ounce of self-control and discipline we have. I immediately turned the hurt over to God and asked Him (repeatedly) to help me keep my mouth shut.
I remember having a conversation with my Dad when I was in my twenties. I had made a decision that I knew had deeply disappointed him. When I asked his opinion he said, “I’d rather not talk about it now as I am upset and I may feel differently about it in the future. I don’t want to say something that I regret.” My Dad showed such self-control at that moment. Rather than risking his relationship with his daughter, he applied wisdom to the situation and decided that “doing no harm” was the best way forward. I wasn’t quite as successful as my Dad today but God helped me to show a level of self-control that I haven’t managed for a long while.
In the run-up to lent I focused each day on a different verse linked to wisdom and they came flooding back today.
“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.”
“Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.”
“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”
In those moments today, I was grateful for the scriptures that had been stored away ready to apply to a situation like this. Was my response perfect? No! But I can honestly say that I tried to express my hurt in a way that aimed to provide a way forward rather than harm the other person involved.
Aiming to live a Proverbs 31 life is already making a difference!