Have you ever had that feeling of simultaneous excitement and terror, all kind of mingled into one big ball off butterflies in your stomach? That feeling where you know something amazing could happen while also potentially facing an epic fail all at the same time. That’ll be me at the moment!
You might disagree, but I never imagine the Proverbs 31 woman to feel like this. She’s far too calm and collected for that. To me, she’s like a biblical CJ Cregg from the West Wing, but as well as bossing every project that comes her way, she’s also ridiculously happy in her marriage!
I am neither like CJ Cregg or the Proverbs 31 woman (which is kind of the point of the project) and yet I find myself in a position where God is pushing and stretching and growing and developing and doing all that stuff I really don’t like at the time it’s happening, but see the benefit of later!
I’m about to release my first Bible Study Teaching material through my teeny tiny publishing company. Don’t worry this isn’t a plug! One minute I feel like I’m living out God’s calling, walking on water and living out the borderless trust that I’ve sung about so many times. The next minute I’m contemplating the possibility of not selling one single copy.
I’ve spent the evening finalising pricing, checking final proofs and getting ready for a presentation I need to do next week. It’s real and it’s happening and yet, unlike the Proverbs 31 woman, I am not cool, calm and collected ready for my next business success. Instead, one question has repeated over in my mind…
What if I totally misjudged this and it’s all some pipe dream of mine?
What if no one buys it?
What if people think it’s a load of rubbish?
What if people like it and I can’t keep up with demand (yes, highly unlikely but I have seriously thought about this)?
What if I have to go back to teaching and give up on writing?
On and on…round and round…the what-ifs have circled through my mind all day.
And then Matthew 6:34 stands up in the recesses of my mind, grabs a megaphone and shouts,
“CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?”
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
This verse has been around all day, I even posted it on facebook earlier, but for reasons that defeat me, I haven’t applied it to the situation I’m currently facing.
Today, I have let myself get distracted by the what-ifs and maybes of life.
Tomorrow, I am determined to give my God my full attention and take things one step at a time.
Whatever comes my way, God’s got this!